Friday, June 09, 2006

The revolution WILL be televised. Also: blogged.

People, I have looked into the eyes of the enemy, and the enemy is green, plastic and noisy. Yup, you guesed it - it's lawnmowers*. I caught one of 'em in the back garden tonight. Killed it. Well, gave it a good shot anyway, I don't think THIS dude'll be back in a hurry:



Now, I don't want yoos all worryin' about this "lawnmower" situation. With the Rubinman in charge, we WILL defeat these plastic beasts. And it is totally NOT TRUE to say that after I seen the "lawnmower" I ran away and hid under my bed, and anyone who says that is a LIAR. So there.



*Why do I hate the lawnmowers so much? WHY? I mean, it's not like it's the freakin' POSTMAN or somethin'. God, sometimes I confuse even myself, you know...

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Thursday, June 08, 2006

Dogs in Vans = Baaaad Boys

We have new people next door. There's some guy who looks like Harry Potter, and there's a fat kid who's scared of me. Hee! I mean, I can't blame him really - I can be quite terrifying until you get to know me. You only have to look at me. Anyway, as soon as they moved in I went into the back garden and barked at them, let them know who's boss. It's best they start off knowing there's a WOLF next door...

So anyways, took Amber for a quick walk at lunchtime today because quite frankly she could be doing with the exercise, but god, what a nightmare...

We got to the end of the street. Everything was fine, Amber was safely attached to the string-thing, I'm having a good smell of everything. On the corner of the street was a van. In the driver's seat of the van was a dog. A HUGE dog. It was, like, the size of a BEAR or something. Well, as soon as it seen me, it went for me. It was barking, slobbering, throwing itself against the window, everything. What a freakin CLOWN! Hee! It obvioulsy felt really threatened by me, which is understandable, I mean, you only need to look at me...



Anyway, I may not know much, but I know that dogs who drive VANS are bad news. To start with I was like, "bring it on pal", but I had to think about Amber - I mean, I'd have happily taken it on, but Amber would have been scared (in fact, she looked quite scared anyway) so I did the only thing I could do in the circumstances - I turned and RAN. I turned and ran right into a WALL.

God, how embarrassing. I'm sure that freakin idiot was LAUGHING at me. Anyway, I managed to get Amber the hell out there, but our walk was ruined. Then it started to rain, so we went home. Amber was all, "oooh, Rubin, you were so brave, you're a good boy!" I was like, "whatever." But it was true.

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