Thursday, October 06, 2005

Matt

Yeah, so as most of yoos all know, it's pretty much all drama, all the time chez Rubinman. Yesterday, though – and specifically yesterday during and after my WALK – was totally MENTAL. Like, off the scale mental.

Here's how it all ended:



Now, before yoos all start panicking, you can rest easy: it wasn't for me. Seriously, there's not a dog warden alive could catch the Rubinman. I am THAT fast.

No, the dog warden was here for this dude:



That? That's Matt. I know, it's like, "run, Matt! Run like the wind!" Hee!

Anyways, so I'm out walkin' Amber, as you do, and I notice this pile of fur lyin' in my path. I was totally going to just walk past it when suddenly it jumps up and it's MATT. Matt's all, "ohmigod, the Rubinman! I can't believe it's you, can I get an autograph?!" I'm just like, "Look, dude, I'm just hangin' out here, be cool, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Anyway, I go to walk on, and Matt starts following me. Like, totally STALKING me and stuff. I was totally handling it, but then, yup, you guessed it, AMBER had to get involved. At least she wasn’t wearing her feet wheels, that's all I can say. Amber takes one look at Matt, and she's all, "oooh, lookit the doggie! The poor doggie!"

True enough, Matt's in one hell of a state. His fur is, like, all totally matted (heh, 'matted'! Do you see what I did there?) and he's a MESS. So, he follows us home, and next thing I know, Terry's on the scene. I'm like, "coolio, Terry will get rid of this dude," but NO. Terry's all, "let's feed the furball", so they take him into our garden and they give him MY food and MY water from MY BOWL.

I could not BELIEVE it. Dude follows me home and then just starts actin' like he owns the place. I was like, "do you not know who I am?"

Anyways, the story hada happy ending. A man came in a van and he took Matt away – not before Matt had ATE US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME, mind you. Totally mental. I mean, I blame Amber. She's just, like, a completely soft touch. Seriously dudes, it's like, any dog that comes along with bleeding heart story, Amber will totally take them in, then it's up to me, the Rubinman, to deal with it all. Crazy.



Sing it with me: Eboneeeee and Ivoreeee, live together in perfect harmoneee...."


Well, they did until Matt started makin' a beeline for my mikey hand, then I was like, "Ok, that's it, callin' the dog warden..."

n.b. No dogs were harmed in the making of this entry. Not even Matt, although he totally deserved it for eatin' my food.

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