Tuesday, October 18, 2005

shoes

Just to clarify here : I didn't know they were Amber's favourite shoes when I ate them. I didn't! I thought the last pair I ate were her favourite shoes? Who has two favourite pairs of shoes (Answer: Amber, obviously. The freak.) I'm not saying I wouldn't have eaten them if I'd known, but I'd maybe have gone a bit easier on them. Maybe.


Still, though - you'd think I'd freaking killed somebody! Amber takes one look at the shoes and runs into the bedroom in tears, flings herself onto the bed and throws a hissyfit. Terry gets all worried and goes in to comfort her, says he'll fix the shoes etc. (Ha! Like to see you try Big T!) Well, what's a pup to do? I thought it was the right thing. I was just trying to get their attention off the shoes and back onto moi, you know? So I casually wandered into the room they were in and did a crap on the floor. Ha! That shut them up! Well, it shut them up for about 5 seconds, anyway. Then they freaked out again.

Terry picked me up and took me out of the room, giving me the usual,"baaaaad Rubin! Baaaaad Rubin! No! NO!" as we went. Nearly broke my doggy ears. He put me in my basket in the spare room, where I adopted a suitably puzzled expression. Meanwhile, Amber's going mental in the bedroom - all over a pair of shoes. I mean, is it just me or is that completely weird? Terry cleaned up the crap (it was a really smelly one too, I was quite proudof it) and they calmed down a bit. Amber didn't speak to me all night though. Oooooh!

It wasn't long after that episode that they gave me a bath. Now, I'm not saying the two incidents were connected, but they obviously were. I mean,I'd done nothing wrong. There I was, minding my own business, out in the garden digging me some holes. Got a few minor holes on the go at the moment;nothing like The Hole, of course, but not too shabby at all, though I say it myself.

So I'm digging, running around like a maniac, digging again.Once I'd finished for the night I had a good roll in the long grass, got myself all covered in mud- it was everywhere but I figured I'd have a good shake once I was in the house, leaveit on the floor for Amber. She must quite like cleaning the floor cos she's always doing it, so I figured I was doing her a favour. Anyway, I come in, have a good shake and go and bark for them to give me attention.

Well, I got it. I got a BATH. What a nightmare, although afterwards, I have to say, I did look nice - all fluffyand white and they kept cuddling me and calling me a good boy. I got some of that doggy chocolate as well, so it wasn't too bad. Ah well, off to shred some newspapers for them. A dog's work is never done.



chiao for now.

Rubin









Thursday, October 06, 2005

Matt

Yeah, so as most of yoos all know, it's pretty much all drama, all the time chez Rubinman. Yesterday, though – and specifically yesterday during and after my WALK – was totally MENTAL. Like, off the scale mental.

Here's how it all ended:



Now, before yoos all start panicking, you can rest easy: it wasn't for me. Seriously, there's not a dog warden alive could catch the Rubinman. I am THAT fast.

No, the dog warden was here for this dude:



That? That's Matt. I know, it's like, "run, Matt! Run like the wind!" Hee!

Anyways, so I'm out walkin' Amber, as you do, and I notice this pile of fur lyin' in my path. I was totally going to just walk past it when suddenly it jumps up and it's MATT. Matt's all, "ohmigod, the Rubinman! I can't believe it's you, can I get an autograph?!" I'm just like, "Look, dude, I'm just hangin' out here, be cool, you know what I'm sayin'?"

Anyway, I go to walk on, and Matt starts following me. Like, totally STALKING me and stuff. I was totally handling it, but then, yup, you guessed it, AMBER had to get involved. At least she wasn’t wearing her feet wheels, that's all I can say. Amber takes one look at Matt, and she's all, "oooh, lookit the doggie! The poor doggie!"

True enough, Matt's in one hell of a state. His fur is, like, all totally matted (heh, 'matted'! Do you see what I did there?) and he's a MESS. So, he follows us home, and next thing I know, Terry's on the scene. I'm like, "coolio, Terry will get rid of this dude," but NO. Terry's all, "let's feed the furball", so they take him into our garden and they give him MY food and MY water from MY BOWL.

I could not BELIEVE it. Dude follows me home and then just starts actin' like he owns the place. I was like, "do you not know who I am?"

Anyways, the story hada happy ending. A man came in a van and he took Matt away – not before Matt had ATE US OUT OF HOUSE AND HOME, mind you. Totally mental. I mean, I blame Amber. She's just, like, a completely soft touch. Seriously dudes, it's like, any dog that comes along with bleeding heart story, Amber will totally take them in, then it's up to me, the Rubinman, to deal with it all. Crazy.



Sing it with me: Eboneeeee and Ivoreeee, live together in perfect harmoneee...."


Well, they did until Matt started makin' a beeline for my mikey hand, then I was like, "Ok, that's it, callin' the dog warden..."

n.b. No dogs were harmed in the making of this entry. Not even Matt, although he totally deserved it for eatin' my food.