Sunday, July 31, 2005

Hairy Bone

Ha!

Didn't think you'd see ME again, did you? Ha! Y'all thought the Rubinman was finished. That you'd never see his like again. Well, think again, people! The Rubinman is back, better than ever before, and he is calling his followers to him. Ho yes.

So, did ya miss me? You better have missed me or I'll come and bite you on the bum, every last one of you. I have SO much to tell you. It's, like, so much happened while I was away, but at the same time, nuthin' happened. You dig? (Heh, I certainly do ;))

Anyway, the most significant thing that happened was that my Norma and John went flying through the sky to that "Yew Ess Ay" place they're always goin' to. Now, I don't know what this Yew Ess Ay is, but I think it's like, a big mall or something? Because, like, when they come back from there, they always bring me MILLIONS of stuff.

This time round they brought me a HAIRY BONE from the Yew Ess Ay. Let me show you what happens to Hairy Bones around here:


Rubin V. Hairy Bone 1
Amber gives me Hairy Bone. Note damage sustained during a previous round of "Rubin v. Hairy Bone"


Rubin v. Hairy Bone 2
The battle commences.
Is it just me, or does my head look big in this?


Rubin v. Hairy Bone 3
I, like, totally wipe the floor with him.
Note: it was Amber that ACTUALLY had to wipe the floor. The Rubinman is no one's slave.


Yup, I showed that sucker. Rawr!

Anyway, don't tell my Norma and John this, because I think they want to surprise me and stuff, but I think they bought me a CAR, too. Reasons for me thinking this: I heard them all talking, and Amber was like, "What kind of car did you get?" and John was like, "Chevy Impala" and Amber was like, "cool", and I was like: icon_eek_PDT

I mean, I can't BELIEVE they bought me a car. Actually, scratch that: I can totally believe they bought me a car. I just can't believe no one thought of it before now. I wonder when I'll get it. Man, I'll totally rock in that there car. I'll be, like, too cool for school and stuff.

Anyway, yeah. I'll be updating this thing a LOT now, so y'all better keep checking back to read me. Remember what happened to Hairy Bone…

Ciao for now,
Rubin

Rubin FAQ

Everything you need to know (and some things you really DON’T need to know) about the Rubinman, by Amber…


Q. What IS Rubinman?
A. Good question. Rubin is a pure-bred Bichon Frise (say “beezjon freesay”). He is NOT a poodle, although many people mistake him for one. He bites the bums of people who say that, though, so I’d watch it if I were you.

Q. Was Rubin REALLY raised by wolves?
A. He claims to have been. We bought him from a woman in Dalkeith, but I GUESS he could have lived with wolves before that…

Q. How old is the Rubinman?
A. Rubinman was born on January 15th, 2003. Be sure and send him presents. He’s all about the presents.

Q. Why is he always so dirty?
A. Because the Rubinman, he likes to dig. And pee. Sometimes on himself.

Q. Does Rubin REALLY write his journal himself?
A. Despite a lack of opposable thumbs, yes, it’s all his own work. *cough*


Q. Is the journal true? You just make it all up, don’t you?

A. Absolutely not! Again, Rubin will bite you on the bum for even THINKING that. All of the events in Rubin’s journal really happened. Even that time with the fat kids. That’s why we don’t give out our real address…

Q. Why is he called Rubin? Is he some kind of sissy-dog?
A. Rubin is named after Rubin “Hurricaine” Carter, a black fighter wrongly imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, and a man with whom the Rubinman greatly identifies.

Q. Can I write to the Rubinman?
A. Sure. Rubin loves the attention. His email address is rubin@writingworld.org. And before you ask, yes, he does check it himself.

Q. Will he write back?
A. It depends how much he likes you. Bear in mind that the Rubinman is lazy. Oh, and that he’s a DOG

Q. Can I write to Terry and Amber?
A. Well, you can if you want to. We weren’t raised by wolves or anything, though, so you may be disappointed. Reach us at info@hotigloo.co.uk

Q. Where does Rubin live?
A. Rubin’s exact whereabouts are a secret. Sometimes even to us. We can exclusively reveal, however, that the Rubinman lives in a Hot Igloo somewhere in Scotland…

Q. Why does Rubin pee so much?
A. I wish I knew. He says he’s “marking his territory”. We say he’s just a baaaaad boy.

Q. I’d like to meet Rubin, and pat his furry white head. Can I?
A. Seriously, dude, you’d regret it. He smells. You'll just have to make do with his blog, I'm afraid...

Q. I am a book publisher/film maker and I’d like to make Rubin a star. How much money do you want?
Well, how much ya got? Make us an offer!

Q. I want a dog like Rubin! Where do I get one?
A. A Rubinman is for life, not just because you saw a cute dog on some website. Remember, a dog like Rubin takes a LOT of looking after, and they give you a lot of cheek. If you like your house nice and your shoes intact, forget it. If you’re really serious about getting a Bichon, why not think about rescuing one?


Rubinman.co.uk. Because sometimes a dog's gotta blog...